People and society seem to push the message "Just smile, be happy", "turn that frown, upside down" and other messages that basically seem to say "It's not okay to be sad".
I have been thinking about this a lot as we explore emotions with our toddler. We are trying to encourage her to use words to express herself, rather than tantrums, fighting, etc. But speaking to a mother who is a Hand in Hand Parenting consultant, I have learnt, that just labelling Lily's emotion is not really accepting her emotion. Accepting that a person is feeling a valid emotion, and letting them feel that emotion, is all about emotional growth and learning how to deal with things. I had never thought of it that way, as my instant reaction has always been "she's sad, what can I do to fix it" which could also be seen as "what can I do to stop her feeling sad", rather than actually helping her feel the emotion, and how to deal and cope with that emotion (same for anger too).
I wonder if this reaction that people and society seems to have built is what is also causing a lot of depression and anger issues with people in society. No emotion is acceptable to be expressed unless it is a happy one. "We don't want to see tears. Show us your happy face". I mean, happiness is a lot "easier" to deal with, it generally radiates happiness to other people around as well. But, what about the days when we just don't feel happy? We have to "put on a brave face". Watching The Biggest Loser Australia, shows many people who "put on a brave face" while trying to deal with the emotions with food behind closed doors. Perhaps if we had encouraged them to talk about their problems, about their emotions, they would not have turned to food for comfort.
This leads me to announce that, yes, I have been struggling. Pregnancy and a toddler can be hard work! And, luckily for me, I have been able to see the signs that I wasn't coping, and get help. I have Antenatal Depression, something I hadn't even known existed until I googled and spoke to my midwife and doctor. I know a lot of mums who have had to deal with, and in some cases are still dealing with, Post Natal Depression. I was completely confused, as I didn't think I had that, as I haven't been depressed since having Lily. Once learning about Antenatal Depression, it seemed to take some of the weight off my shoulders, some of the feelings that there was something "wrong" with me, but it all is starting to make sense now, and I am working through it. But, as society says its "bad to be sad", no one knows other than my partner, my doctor, my midwife, and a few internet friends. I don't understand why I should not talk about this, I don't know why I don't. I feel like people won't want to know, people won't know how to treat me, and people will look at me differently. But another side of me thinks, if I don't bring this up, how will other people know that this exists? That it is okay to be sad, and that there is help out there? That I am also willing to listen when others are upset and need an ear?
So my biggest thought and question is, how do you talk, handle and treat your family, friends and children's emotions? Do you dismiss them, or allow them to feel and accept all the "negative emotions"?
