Bad to be Sad?

People and society seem to push the message "Just smile, be happy", "turn that frown, upside down" and other messages that basically seem to say "It's not okay to be sad".

I have been thinking about this a lot as we explore emotions with our toddler. We are trying to encourage her to use words to express herself, rather than tantrums, fighting, etc. But speaking to a mother who is a Hand in Hand Parenting consultant, I have learnt, that just labelling Lily's emotion is not really accepting her emotion. Accepting that a person is feeling a valid emotion, and letting them feel that emotion, is all about emotional growth and learning how to deal with things. I had never thought of it that way, as my instant reaction has always been "she's sad, what can I do to fix it" which could also be seen as "what can I do to stop her feeling sad", rather than actually helping her feel the emotion, and how to deal and cope with that emotion (same for anger too).

I wonder if this reaction that people and society seems to have built is what is also causing a lot of depression and anger issues with people in society. No emotion is acceptable to be expressed unless it is a happy one. "We don't want to see tears. Show us your happy face". I mean, happiness is a lot "easier" to deal with, it generally radiates happiness to other people around as well. But, what about the days when we just don't feel happy? We have to "put on a brave face". Watching The Biggest Loser Australia, shows many people who "put on a brave face" while trying to deal with the emotions with food behind closed doors. Perhaps if we had encouraged them to talk about their problems, about their emotions, they would not have turned to food for comfort.

This leads me to announce that, yes, I have been struggling. Pregnancy and a toddler can be hard work! And, luckily for me, I have been able to see the signs that I wasn't coping, and get help. I have Antenatal Depression, something I hadn't even known existed until I googled and spoke to my midwife and doctor. I know a lot of mums who have had to deal with, and in some cases are still dealing with, Post Natal Depression. I was completely confused, as I didn't think I had that, as I haven't been depressed since having Lily. Once learning about Antenatal Depression, it seemed to take some of the weight off my shoulders, some of the feelings that there was something "wrong" with me, but it all is starting to make sense now, and I am working through it. But, as society says its "bad to be sad", no one knows other than my partner, my doctor, my midwife, and a few internet friends. I don't understand why I should not talk about this, I don't know why I don't. I feel like people won't want to know, people won't know how to treat me, and people will look at me differently. But another side of me thinks, if I don't bring this up, how will other people know that this exists? That it is okay to be sad, and that there is help out there? That I am also willing to listen when others are upset and need an ear?

So my biggest thought and question is, how do you talk, handle and treat your family, friends and children's emotions? Do you dismiss them, or allow them to feel and accept all the "negative emotions"?

Taking our Manduca Carrier to new heights!

We woke up and decided we felt like walking (as the weather had just cleared), so decided to take a walk up Mount Warning (Wollumbin). The start of the trail was the hardest for me, as it was mostly steps. It also didn't help that I was 21 weeks pregnant and carrying 4L of water, our food, and nappy bag in a giant backpack. Chris took Lily in the Manduca and I could hear them ahead of me pointing out different things they could see. As it was the day after flooding in South East Queensland, there was lots of waterfalls, many we had to walk though, sometimes feeling like the track was a waterfall, which by the end of our walk, was one of Lily's new favourite words.

We took lots of breaks, sometimes for Lily, but a lot of the time for me. This photo was taken about two thirds of the way up the track.

To reach the very top, you had to use a chain and climb up rocks, it seemed to take all my coordination with my (what seemed like at the time) giant belly. But it was worth the climb, we got to the top and had our picnic, watching the view to the coast disappear as the cloud started to surround us, which was also quite amazing.

The climb down the rocks was probably harder than going up, but the walk down seemed easier, although my socks and shoes were soaked through by the time we got back to the car. I'm glad I did it, it was a beautiful walk, and it definitely made me feel like I got some outdoors time. My legs were rather sore for a few days after though!!